I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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