it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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