I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
