no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
