either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
