I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
