I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
