Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
