I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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