I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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