____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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