I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
