my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
