her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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