why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think I just sharted jello shots
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
