I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
