And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
