if only i could text you this smell
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
