hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
