i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
