she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
