I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
worst night to have a conscience
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
