I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
