you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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