it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
