Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
