There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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