Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
