On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
