white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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