I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
