Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
