he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Randomize
