M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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