why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
