That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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