I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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