i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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