Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
