Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
