So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
last night I used snow as a chaser
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
