Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
