How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
