Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
