Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
