guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
