just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my shit smells like andre
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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