nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
