just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
