I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
