I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
