How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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