Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
