Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
