Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
