i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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