yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
