So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
